Homemade Wheat Crackers

Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks.—Marilyn Wann

My name is Big Surf Daddy and I have a problem…

I am a snack-a-holic.

My snacking event each evening begins as a small wake and swells to a large tidal wave of power that can’t be overcome. I start with something as healthy as an apple, move on to grapes, and as the tidal wave crescendos…chips, salsa, peanut butter, crackers, and Cheez-Its all come pounding down on me in a calorie-filled billow of salt and fried breakers. Duuuude!!

Then I do the walk of shame to the bed and curl up in a fetal position and think about what I’ve done.

As I try to incorporate the Mediterranean Diet into my everyday life, the Sea of Salt calls me back nightly, and the pounding of the calorie surf starts all over.

OK, enough of the metaphor.

I CAN’T STOP SNACKING AT NIGHT.

Mrs. Big Surf says I am a stress-eater. She is right, because I stress out if I can’t get enough snacks in me before going to bed.

Since the nightly Sea of Saltiness undertow drags me back into the calorie-infested deep (OK, last one), I decided to try to lessen my calorie and salt intake. I made my own crackers…less calories and less salt and less preservatives, right? Sounds like a good idea anyway.

I found Whole Grain Alice on YouTube: https://youtu.be/WyKzTJkGDCQ

This is such a simple recipe and easy to do. I added Everything but the Bagel spice, also extra salt, pepper, chia seeds and flax seeds. These are great with salads, cheeses, and just as a snack by itself.

I don’t know if it will lessen the shameful walks to the bedroom at night, but I feel better about myself and maybe I won’t be drawn into the seedy world of food porn.

Risotto with Lemon and Shrimp

I hate the opera. I think I must have a tin ear. No matter how hard I concentrate, it still sounds like a bunch of Italian chefs screaming risotto recipes at each other.—Aristotle Onassis

So, I had this crisis of morality…

Mrs. Big Surf found this incredible recipe of Giada De Laurentiis on line. I wanted to make this incredible recipe, for I love Giada’s recipes. Frankly I haven’t found a bad one yet. And risotto is one of my new food loves.

Growing up in eastern Kentucky did not provide a lot of opportunities to eat risotto, so let’s just say I came to this love affair later in life.

I love everything about risotto. I love the versatility of risotto, it is the utility player on the Italian team. I love cooking risotto and the time it takes for the creaminess of risotto to come to fruition. I also love the fact that this is included in the Mediterranean Diet and I can check that box to make me feel better, since we are having trouble fully converting to this diet. (The two pizzas and quarter pound of bacon we ate this weekend would have sent us spiraling into a pit of self-loathing if we hadn’t enjoyed them so much.) However, cheating on the Mediterranean Diet was not my crisis of morality.

This is my crisis of morality…if I did not fix the risotto exactly like Giada’s recipe says, do I have to give her credit or can I just call it mine?

Her recipe calls for fennel. I used leeks and fennel seeds.

Her recipe calls for arugula. I used spinach.

My attorney friend tells me there is a little thing called “intellectual property” I have to abide by. Since I am not very smart, “do I have to abide by this intellectual property?” He says, “nice try.”

So in light of the above conversation, I will not call this my own recipe and I will not post the recipe. However I will give you the link where I found it. I have enough intellectual properties about me to accomplish that.

https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/lemony-shrimp-and-risotto-recipe-2018344

Cauliflower with Turmeric, Lemon, and Caper sauce.

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education—Mark Twain

The Mediterranean Diet has been my goal since this past holiday season. It is still my goal, so no, Mrs. Big Surf and I have yet to transform our diet. It’s like we are mired in this quicksand of calories and carbs and occasionally we find a vine from the Mediterraneanus Dietus plant that we can grab and pull ourselves out.

This cauliflower dish was the lifeline that may just save us.

This delicious cauliflower recipe came out of the New York Times Cookbook, called “Cauliflower with Caper Sauce”. We ate this as an entree with a salad.

Now Mark Twain may have thought cauliflower a bit too pretentious, but some would say cauliflower is the “Work-a-day-Joe” of veggies because it is so versatile and accommodating to your mood. I love the taste of cauliflower. I eat it raw, steamed, roasted, grilled, and sauteed. This sauce elevated the cauliflower to another degree. Maybe Mark Twain would have awarded it an honorary doctorate if he would have eaten this dish.

West Liberty Christian Church Rolls

Taste and see that the Lord is good—Psalm 34:8

Church traditions date back to the earliest gatherings of Christians, some have even continued to these modern times.

Of all the traditions that still continue, my favorite has to be the potluck dinners.

Our West Liberty Christian Church in West Liberty, KY has had a tradition of wonderful potluck dinners, for we have had wonderful cooks over the years. I have loved every one of these dinners. I was in such good standing with one of these lovely ladies that she would hide me a piece of her lemon pie so I would be sure to get some of that deliciousness.

The homemade rolls at our church have always been a tasty tradition ever since I can remember. The rolls are called refrigerator rolls. The recipe is in our church cookbook. These rolls have been made by a few dedicated women over the years. I remember Maureen making them, Thelma making them, and lately (for at least a generation) Linda making them.

How can something so simple impart so much love and caring?

A successful after-church dinner is defined by getting at least two of these rolls and one deviled egg. Sometimes I get nervous if the line is long, so I will go grab a roll whilst I wait in line. I hope that tradition doesn’t catch on. So let’s keep that between you and me.

Below is the Holy Grail of roll recipes taken from the West Liberty Christian Church Cookbook,and unlike Indiana Jones, you don’t have to fight off the Nazi army to attain this treasure. Enjoy.

The Yoi Mañana

My whole life, I have been trying to cook an egg in the right way.—Jose Andres

It’s exciting to be present at the birth of something new, to experience an artist in the presence of painting a masterpiece, to be the first to hear a song written by a virtuoso musician, to experience the birth of your children…or to eat a brand new dish. My apologies to my kids for comparing the excitement of their entry into the world with an egg dish.

I am letting you, my scant horde of readers, in on one of those birthing experiences today.

I created this dish this morning, as I am always trying different ways to eat eggs for breakfast. This is a Japanese omelette called “tamagoyaki”. These are made in a rectangular pan. Actually it is half of a tamagoyaki, split with the lovely wife.

Most of my extemporaneous creations in the kitchen don’t turn out so great, however this one was quite good. The tamagoyaki was made with some cheddar cheese and prosciutto, served on a bed of spinach leaves, topped with fresh guacamole, and drizzled with Maggi Hot and Sweet sauce. Let’s see, we have Japan, Mexico, Italy, India, and a tomato from Morehead, KY. So a truly international dish.

To save you the time it takes to look up the name of the dish, it means “Good Morning” in Japanese and Spanish.

Surely something in here is part of the Mediterranean Diet.

Asparagus Pizza

Are you casting asparagus on my cooking?—Moe Howard

This is an appropriate quote by the leader of the Three Stooges, for Mrs. Big Surf often describes my actions in the kitchen as Three Stooges video with Homer Simpson audio.

As Mrs. BS and I try to transition to the Mediterranean Diet, it is hard to diminish our craving for our favorite foods and one of those foods is pizza. We decided two years ago to learn to fix good pizza. We bought a pizza steel and a pizza peel. We found a great dough recipe in Wolfgang Puck’s Pizza, Pasta, and More cookbook. We use it exclusively.

This asparagus pizza comes from The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook. We love this pizza.

I never really liked asparagus until I was well into adulthood (my wife is not convinced I am there yet). Now I am eating asparagus on pizza. My pizza experience, until recently, was always accompanied by some kind of meat, now it seems meat is rarely on our pizzas.

This simple pizza recipe has graded parmesan and mozzarella cheeses, shaved asparagus tossed with olive oil, salt and pepper, and topped with one finely chopped scallion which is added when the pizza comes out of the oven.

I thought my wife had headed “round the bend” when she showed me this recipe. “Who would eat a pizza topped with asparagus?”, I asked. As usual, her intuition was correct. It is delicious…unless you are not an adult like me and don’t like asparagus.

Roasted Sesame Seed-Crusted Tuna with a Balsamic Drizzle

A tuna steak and a salad? Seventy bucks. Welcome to Los Angeles.—Mark Zupan

Well, in eastern Kentucky, you can buy a pack of three frozen tuna steaks at Kroger for $5.99.

I’m no expert but if I can fix two tuna steaks for Mrs. Big Surf and myself for about $4.00 and it tastes as good as any I can get in a restaurant this side of the Sierra Madres, then I am a happy man and I would say to all of you LA diners, “Sorry, Charlie.”

I got the inspiration for this seared tuna by watching a Gordon Ramsay video. He fixed an incredible looking dish by encrusting the tuna in sesame seeds. I didn’t have the time or the stamina on a Wednesday night to try to tackle all he did with his tuna steak meal, so I took a different route.

I started with reducing balsamic vinegar. Then I roasted the sesame seeds. In the meantime, the tuna steaks marinated in some Ponzu sauce. After salting and peppering the tuna steaks, I rolled them in the roasted sesame seeds. I seared them for a few minutes on each side to have a rare cook. I then drizzled the balsamic reduction over the tuna steaks and asparagus to finish the meal. It was soooo simple and soooo cheap and soooo healthy and according to Mark Zupan, I saved about $136.00.

I think this Mediterranean diet may work out after all.

Look who’s the big boy, being fiscally responsible.

Hibachi Express

I love sushi, but I am not going to write a column about it—Joel Stein

I am not familiar with Mr. Stein’s work, but I will write about a restaurant that makes sushi.

I was in Morehead, KY yesterday and had some time to stop at one of my favorite Asian take-out eateries. Yes, even in eastern Kentucky we have access to good Asian take-out. I really like the food from Hibachi Express. It is very tasty and as far as a good ole boy from the hills can tell, it seems to be pretty authentic compared to other high end Asian restaurants where I have eaten.

Hibachi Express is in a fairly nondescript location, at one end of a gas station/C-store. It reminds me of my son when we ate at a restaurant in a similar-type location in my hometown. He asked if we were going to eat at the “gas station restaurant.”

I have gotten food here seven or eight times and have always loved the flavor of each dish. Today was the first time I ordered sushi from Hibachi Express. I had the Spicy Tuna Roll and it was very good. I also ordered some Vegetable Lo-Mein. It was one of the best Asian dishes I have eaten in recent memory.

This Spicy Tuna Roll was very good.

The Vegetable Lo-Mein was one of the best tasting Asian dishes I have had in recent memory.

This dining experience was typical of what recent events offer, eating my good Asian food in my car in an ice-covered Kroger parking lot. To quote a favorite song from The Andy Griffith Show, “Welcome sweet springtime, we greet thee in song.” When can I start singing?

Roasted Mushroom, Pepper, and Red Onion Salad

Too many green salads suffer from a lack of imagination—James Beard

I am currently looking out my window at the ice and snow that was dumped on us in the last few days and awaiting for the electrical currents to return from their temporary respite.

In these cold days, most normal folks think of eating something hot such as chili, soups, stews and whatnot. Not me. I am thinking of the delicious salad from last night. I love salads and can eat them at any time.

Since Mrs. Big Surf and I are trying to reform our diets to the warmer winds of the Mediterranean, I am always foraging through Mrs. BS’s many cookbooks, internet, and YouTube. But sometimes a person just wants to do something their own way. This is a constant tete-e-tete with her and I. She cooks really good food from really good recipes and I do way too much experimenting, and I am not a good enough cook to experiment as of yet.

This salad was one of my successes. I sauteed red onions, mushrooms, and a yellow pepper in extra virgin olive oil. After these vegetables cooled, I tossed them with grape tomatoes, scallions, spinach, and feta cheese. I dressed the salad with red wine vinegar, more extra virgin olive oil, salt, pepper and dried oregano.

I will make this again, maybe tonight if the electric stays on holiday.

Greek Style Shrimp with Tomatoes and Feta

Let food by thy medicine and medicine by thy food—Hippocrates

It is hard to overcome a lifetime of bad habits.

Bad habit number 1…I grew up planted in front of the TV watching sports and sitcoms and that continues to this day.

Bad habit number 2…I can’t do number one without stuffing my face with some kind of unhealthy snack.

My wife and I are trying to eat healthier. She equates this with the need for popping more popcorn and I am only eating a half box of Cheez-Its at a setting. It’s hard to overcome bad habits.

As we move through the middle ages of life, we are starting to accumulate more photos of our insides than our outsides. We feel now is the time to eat better. We have started by trying to stay with a Mediterranean Diet.

Last night, I found some frozen shrimp in the freezer. I also found a nice looking recipe in America’s Test Kitchen’s The Complete Mediterranean Cookbook, which was a gift from a friend. This Greek style shrimp with tomatoes and feta was simply delicious. I like this book because it gives some options. We have a well-stocked pantry but no ouzo. This recipe called for ouzo, but said you could sub vodka mixed with anise seed. I have fixed many recipes out of this book and all have been really good.

As we begin our attempt to move from eastern Kentucky to the Mediterranean region in our kitchen, I will keep you abreast of our journey. At least we can travel through our culinary experiences.